Today is a perfect day by most standards.
I woke up to the sound of what I thought was rain hitting the pavement. When I opened my eyes, sans alarm, I found it was actually snow falling.
I remember something about last night, after arriving home from a free gourmet dinner. I ate the dessert-to-go while sitting on the couch. I put myself in scrub jammies. I fell asleep to my kindle book. I left most of my windows open in an effort to expedite the polyurethane airing of the house.
I woke up in the middle of the night being suffocated by my cat who was draped and perched on my neck of all places. After realizing it was dark outside and I couldn't breathe, I rolled over so that fluffy kitty wouldn't kill his host.
I started my coffee. I unwrapped the soup pot that I got for a steal off of Amazon. Thirty bucks for a huge pot, that will definitely match my plan for soup. I was thinking maybe oatmeal and blueberries for breakfast.
There is no sound here. My house is quiet. No beepers. My kitties are sleeping next to the window. The soup is cooking and my pot of coffee is almost gone. Occasionally the heater kicks on and blows air.
What am I going to do with my one day? Tomorrow will be a day of moving furniture, shuffling items from one room to the next and getting my kitties and self moved out to another house. I don't want to go anywhere, because any place I'd want to visit (shopping wise) is in northern NJ and I don't want to deal with the people of northern NJ. Plus, I don't have any money. I've done spent every penny to repay my brother this month and to pay for the repair and refinish of the hardwood. Apparently, it's a nice hardwood, red oak.
I already have my paint color for my living room/dining room/hallway picked out, but will wait for about a month before painting. Want to get the house situated, the refinish finished.
I have people bugging me to move into my house, but it's not done and I'm still in it.
I also have a feeling of a job not finished. But, not the house. I want to leave the mark of midwifery ... as it should be. Feeling the urge to write stuff - and I am going to make a notebook because I will think of a great topic and then I lose it.
And, isn't that what writers do ? Write?
I also have started the process of becoming integrated into the second, smaller hospital. Turns out the prominent home birth midwife happened to be on the floor there and so we caught up. She lives just down the street from me and it's been awhile since I've been to her place. I have a book of hers and why I have it I just don't know. But it needs to be returned and I've been holding it for return.
I had a patient who was quite overdue ask me, "what would have happened to me and my baby before technology?" Fortunately, I have been reading. I told her that many herbs and tinctures would have been used, that it could have ended up in a fetal demise eventually, or maybe a healthy birth just off on dating. Or, perhaps they would have manually opened her cervix to entice labor.
Neither one of those options appealed to her.
She had a beautiful delivery with only the insertion of Cervidil.
I have found that there is a good balance between the knowledge of yesterday and our knowledge of today. It's striking that perfect balance that is an art. It's understanding some of the science behind it that is entirely necessary.
I always loved science ... having taken all the advanced courses available by my senior graduation. I finished AP calculus (an entire year of it), AP chemistry. I aced the initial freshman chemistry 101 without even going to class. I held study sessions in my dorm room for those struggling (at their request).
But, it wasn't about chemistry. My love was playing the piano and music. I performed, I taught music. I was voted "the most talented" student by my peers my senior year. I made the acapella vocal tryouts and played the piano to music programs from elementary school through high school. I attended a lot of church sermons but not to hear the preaching about God or Jesus. Rather, I was the piano player for the choir and musical portion of services.
Honestly, I still don't believe in a Jesus or God as a man figure at all. I am, however, a believer in the spirit of life. There is a force there of which I haven't figured out but of which I cannot deny is present.
There is a midwifery dance between science and art. In order for it to work well on a regular basis, there must be a balance between them both. Otherwise, midwifery just doesn't make sense.
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