This water tower is close to my house.
I'm blogging. I'm not sure why.
It's almost like in the "old" days when I would routinely sit with my cup of coffee and blog about the details of my life. Somehow, I felt different after blogging than I did before.
Derek's coming today. I've never felt so ambivalent as I do today about him arriving. The kids are nothing short of ecstatic. Last night Jenna said, "Mom! I can't believe Daddy is coming tomorrow! I just feel like flapping my flappers all day long!"
Darin seems excited but he is more reserved and calculating. I can tell. He's not taking this all in stride as Jenna has. Jenna is already anticipating the very moment that she'll say goodbye (with glee). Darin keeps asking questions. I don't think he's sure about all this, yet. He's also a momma's boy and as much as he needs some male influence in his life, I think leaving momma behind for even a few months doesn't seem all that enticing no matter how warm and beautiful it is in sunny Florida.
Derek is coming to take the kids back to Florida with him for a few months. His recent health issues have left an unsure change in his career as a pilot and there will be no answers for several months. His medical chart needs reviewed by chief medical officers in Washington DC. If he is waivered to fly, then he will remain in Pensacola.
If not, he will transfer out this summer. We put in preferences for Washington state, Colorado and Hawaii just in case he is not to fly for the military again.
His heart longs for his children, this I know. He is a wonderful father. I have spent my life safeguarding my babies from the harshness of the military life and now they are old enough and Daddy is home enough. What I have done thus far is enough. But, things are starting to slide and it's in their best interest to spend time with Daddy until our location gets sorted out and I'm able to make a move without sacrificing my career. It might seem like it's all about me (at times) but we know that Derek will be retiring in the next few years and we will need my income and contribution to be the most comfortable.
Not to mention the fact that I'm not fun to be around when I'm at home all the time.
So, in short, everybody in the family is over the moon that they are all going to Florida - together - except for me. I'll try to hide it as best as possible to keep the move positive for the kids.
I'm a different person in many ways than I was the last time that I was by myself (ten years ago). I still work a lot. I worked a lot then, climbing ladders. Still am. That part of me has not changed yet I have changed as a result.
I will be able to focus on myself. I plan to read like crazy. Improve my practice even more. I want to take up running again. I will probably make more of the drug rep dinners. I might have a few more nights out with the girls (and there are lots of girlfriends here to call up). I want to get published. It turns out that another provider I work with also wants to get published so we will probably spend some time working on that.
I'm ambitious but there was also that textbook that I wanted to write ...
At most, I'm probably looking at six months without the kids. I'll need to keep busy otherwise I'll become a crazy cat lady (worse than I am now).
What will Jen Ham do when she is by herself? Not sure. I've never been by myself as Jen Ham.
Only time will tell.
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