Here is a serial event. Mo checking out a set of box springs loaned to us. Derek and I were exhausted, having moved out the entire house in a day, securing loan furniture for myself and finally sitting down with all objects in the correct places but not placed correctly. I watched this scene unfold but was powerless to do anything about it. Mo sitting on top of the misplaced box springs, Mo hopping below to check out the box springs (and in doing so discovered a hole) and then Mo getting inside the box springs mattress.
And, then, before I knew it, the kids and Derek were off in the Uhaul ... destination Florida.
I am left to clean up the remainder of the house (after said event), dishes, trash, work full time plus, etc. In fact, it really wasn't until last night that I was able to have any quiet moments whatsoever. Between the nanny calling about her pay, work calling about labor patients and managing a labor that lasted all night, following that up with work hours on the other side ... well, I wasn't in any place to feel "lonely."
The nanny gave me a pair of fairly new but used volleyball shoes that her daughter decided not to wear and apparently they were "very expensive," and so I took them because they are my size. I thought I could turn them into either running shoes or delivery shoes.
First, I'll try them on.
Last night, I came home, at last. I made a trip out to pay the nanny and then I also hit the grocery store for a few real food items. Then, I cleaned out some of the fridge items and poured a glass of wine. I gamed for a bit. Then, I gamed some more and had a bowl of icecream (after my mediterranean style meatless pizza). I finally decided I was tired enough that I wanted to sleep and so pulled the covers up and went to sleep.
What should have been restful sleep really wasn't.
Last night I had a crazy dream. It was a dream of what felt like all night frustration (upon waking this morning, anyhow).
One of my "real" private patients was in a resort and had "arrived" for a regular prenatal visit. She was hardly recognizable because she had somehow developed a generalized edema and her blood pressure reading on the monitor was (gasp!) 332/163. I tried to down play this whole event and the FOB said, "well, what we wanted you to know is that she is really swollen!"
I told her that this new finding really changed the way that we needed to manage her care. I could see she was very upset. She unplugged herself from the EFM and went to the bathroom. I cringed. I hoped she wouldn't stroke out from getting up. She returned back to bed and I carefully told them that, well ... her situation was dire and I was afraid that her even getting out of bed could cause something catastrophic and so I didn't want her doing that again. I didn't want to cause alarm and fear within them, but some serious shit was going down.
I wanted her to enjoy the outdoors even while laboring, so I went out of the hotel (why were we in a hotel at a resort ???) and looked for a place where I could park her bed in the grass. Well, for the life of me I got lost and could NOT find my way back to the patient and her husband. I tried every elevator, every stair case, I tried to run out into the field to get a grip on the layout of the resort and what room they were in. Time was passing, and apparently I was then on a nursing shift. I needed to get back to her before something terrible happened and get her labor started, the foley cath in and make her "safe."
Based on the clock, I spent 9 hours trying to get back to her. I dove into kiddy shacks and tunnels, but they were all dead ends. It was fair-like, people at tables enjoying lunch, kids running around craft tables.
When one elevator door opened, my brother was standing in it. Blood started to seep out of his mouth and he grabbed his stomach and doubled over. I pulled him out of the elevator and dragged him into the hallway. I started shouting at people standing by to call 911.
And, then, I left my brother to the care of the paramedics.
I entered another building, looking for any familiar sight that would lead me back to where I started.
At the end of the dream, I finally made it back to the couple. She was still lying in bed and wondering where in the heck I had gone. They were miffed that I had left when they had a grave concern.
I was so frustrated that I didn't even know where to begin.
That was the end of the dream.
I woke this morning rested, but had to shake off the "frustration" feeling. I took the trash out, I did all the dishes, did two loads of laundry, gave the kitties food & water, moved the box springs to one of the bedrooms (my room still has textbooks that I couldn't part with strewn about). Then, I made some coffee. I made two egg sandwiches with chicken burger patties, spinach, egg and multigrain bagel thins.
I drank some more coffee and gamed some more.
I heard the whoosh, whoosh of racing cars to get kids to school by 8:15 am.
I'm watching fluffy white clouds swim by in the sky above me.
Yesterday, I had another couple ask if I would be their midwife. I glanced down at her chart more carefully and only then realized they had seen me 75% of the time. There is a language barrier, but through the medical tech - who speaks their language and provides translation services for us each time - I thought, well. Why not? Where else will I be?
She is due any week now.
That makes three couples who are all due around the same time at the end of this month who have asked me to please be there for them.
My kids are having a complete blast on their road trip with Daddeh. Derek and I are mutual in our decisions and in our plans. I could see that my health was deteriorating, trying to maintain so much responsibility with the house, schools, medical care and work. I felt guilty for keeping the kids away from Daddeh, when he had been gone as an active duty officer for so many years. I think a part of Derek's decision was that he wanted to take the kids for me and for him. I don't expect it to last long, as I know how difficult it is, but I refuse to wallow in self pity.
Now... where are all those things that I wanted to get done?
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